First Day of Kindergarten

The night before the first day of Kindergarten...

We picked out your clothes...you wanted to wear your new football t-shirt.

We packed your backpack, and placed it by the door...I'm so proud of you for not complaining about not having a new bag, and you are perfectly happy with the Toy Story backpack from last year.

We snuggled into your bed, and read a new book about the night before kindergarten...you were so excited about all the new things that you would learn this year!

And we prayed together...for a good night's sleep and thanked God for the many blessings in our lives, especially for Kindergarten and that it's finally here.

I kissed you good-night as I always do, and as I turned off your light, you said to me "Mommy, I'm growing up! I can't wait to go to Kindergarten tomorrow!"

"Yes, baby! You're going to Kindergarten! And I'm so proud of you!" But as I said those words, I fought back tears, and I felt something squeezing my heart. For I never thought this day would come. Okay, I know it's just Kindergarten...but time is zooming by like the speed of light, and I can barely catch my breath before the next milestone appears. So, on this night before yet another milestone, I want to capture the moment and store it in my heart forever. I feel like this is the first step of me letting go, as if my pinky finger is being pryed open...slowly, but surely, I have to let you go.

But as I let you go, I know that you are not going alone. I pray that you will know that God is with you...and my heart goes with you, too.

So, on the morning of the first day of school, this is what I saw...



But my heart saw this...





And when you sat in the car, I turned and saw this...



But really, this is what I saw...




And when I hugged you goodbye and wished a great first day for you, Daddy took this picture...



But these are the pictures that are etched in my heart...





I love you, Joshua!

You're still my baby

Dear Jenna,

Last night, when I prayed for you before bedtime, I was overcome with overwhelming emotions. As I stroked your hair and face, and prayed the prayer I always pray over you every single day, I realized what a big girl you are now. You are no longer the baby in the family. You are now a big sister with Becca's arrival. But as I knelt by your bed, and my forehead touched yours as I prayed for you, this holy moment will forever be etched in my mind and memory as your little arms reached around my neck and you hugged me and attempted to repeat the words of scripture that I was praying over you. My tears flowed, and I want to remember this moment when I realized that you will ALWAYS be my baby. No matter what.

Jenna, you are such a blessing to me. I love your energy, your spirit, your joy. I wish I could be more like you...just loving life and loving everyone unconditionally. I love your cheeky grin when you know you've done something wrong. But with an innocence that I can't fault you with. You have brought so much joy into my life, and I love you with all my heart.

I feel so bad right now that I'm not spending a lot of time with you. Becca is only 6 days old. But I promise that when I'm physically able to, we are going to spend some quality girl time together.

God brought you into my life for so many reasons, but none other than to show me the inseparable bond between a mother and daughter. All my life, I've longed for a close relationship with my own mother. While I do not have that, I feel that God has given you to me to right what was missing in my life. I promise you that I will be there for you no matter what. I will be by your side during the significant moments and events in your life. I am here for you, anytime, whenever you need me.

I love you, baby girl! Forever and always you will always be my baby!

Joshua's surgery

Dear Joshua,

Late July, you had to have surgery on your umbilical hernia. You were born with a herniated belly button, and through the years, the doctor has kept an eye on it. Because it hasn't really gotten smaller, Dr. Voight thought it was best to get it taken care of before Kindergarten starts, because if you grow up without getting the procedure done, the surgery then would be a lot harder.

Anyway, it was a Friday morning when Daddy and I drove you to Central DuPage Hospital and checked you in. I was really nervous, but didn't want to show it. I wanted to stay strong for you. I know that you are in good hands, but just the thought of you going "under" and going through surgery without me being physically there with you, it all just concerned me. Yes, your mommy is a worry-wart!

But the nurses were so nice! We all went into a hospital room with you, and you put on blue hospital pajamas. You had your own TV and even Bucky had to wear a hospital tag, just like you! The nurses gave you some "juice" to drink, and pretty soon, you were pretending that the remote control was a phone or a gun! Daddy and I prayed for you, and not long after that, the nurses wheeled you away into surgery. I kissed you a million times and told you that I loved you. It was then that I shed my tears for you. The unknown is daunting, especially when it comes to something big like surgery. But I know that God is watching over you, and that you are in His hands. All I can do is pray and trust that everything will be okay.

We thought the surgery would take an hour, but after Daddy and I went down to the cafeteria and got a snack and came back up to the waiting room. You were pretty much done! Dr. Giessler came out to talk to us, and said that you were done and you did well. And that you're in the recovery room.

We went to the room to wait for you. Now, some of your friends who had had surgery were pretty hysterical as they came out of anaethesia. I was prepared for the worse, envisioning you crying and wailing, and pulling your IV off. But when they wheeled you in the room, you were calm and had a smile on your face! I was so relieved!! You did so great, and you were in such good spirits! I was so proud of you!

We spent about a half hour in the recovery room. You had a little snack, and pretty soon, you were able to change back into your own clothes and we were able to go home. For the rest of the day, you were so pleasant and in such a good mood. I think the medication did you good!

I'm learning that I can be a worry-wart about anything, especially the unknown. But time and time again, you've proven yourself to be a wonderful boy (like when we traveled on the airplane for the first time when you were a baby. You were such an angel baby on the plane!). Thank you for showing me that I all I needed to do was trust in God, and to trust in you - the very person that God made you to be. I didn't have to worry or cry, but being a mommy, sometimes I feel overwhelmed and there's only so much I can do to be with you and protect you. And when I can't, I worry.

So, here's hoping that I will learn to trust you and trust God as you enter into Kindergarten in a few weeks!

Again, I'm so proud of you and so proud of the boy you're becoming! My brave and wonderful boy!

Kindergarten Registration

Dear Joshua,

Daddy and I went to the Open Enrollment Fair this past Wednesday night to check out potential schools that we would like you to go to for Kindergarten. We narrowed it down to Lincoln Prairie, Hoover, Campanelli, and MacArthur (in order of preference). We were there last year, too - just checking things out and seeing what schools were in our district. I remember saying to myself, "I don't have to worry about this for another year."

Well, the year has come and gone, and we are in the process of applying to these 4 schools and praying that you'll be accepted into one of these (it's weird, but something tells me this is going to be like college applications!). We actually submitted one application that very night - to Campanelli. They have a good Chinese Immersion Program. We liked the principal, and were able to talk to him at length. Ultimately, we'd like you to go to Lincoln Prairie. But we know that God is in control, and He will have you where He wants you to be.

So, yesterday, the day after the Fair, I was sitting on the couch while you and Jenna were napping, and I was just looking at the picture of the two of you on the opposite wall, above the TV. Something inside of me just overwhelmed me, and I started to cry. I can't believe that my little baby boy is going off to Kindergarten! You are growing, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I don't know why, but I'm just not ready to let you go.

When you're old enough to read this, you'll probably be thinking, "Oh, mom! Stop!"

But I think that I'm suppose to go through these emotions. I need to do so, so that I can grieve the end of this season well, treasure the wonderful memories, and start to move on.

Just today (and we stayed home and had a Pajama Day!), I was playing with you and Jenna, and lifting you both up and swinging you around, and just having a jolly good time. I never want to forget these moments of play with you. I know that there will come a day where I can't pick you up and swing you around anymore. So, I will relish every opportunity I can get to play and goof around with you.

So, my tears for you are those of gratitude, for loving me and letting me love you in all our goofiness! And for an impending end of your "baby years", as you start Kindergarten this Fall.

I'm so proud of you, and the boy that you're growing up to be!

And I guess I'm extra emotional because I'm pregnant with your baby brother or sister!!

Happy New Year!

Dear Josh & Jenna,

This is the first day of the new year - 1/1/11. And I am filled with gratitude for the both of you. I can't believe the year has flown by, and it was only last year that we were all in Australia for Christmas and the new year. Even though 2010 was a rough year for our family, in terms of all the transitions, you both did a splendid job adapting and excepting everything that came our way. Your resilence and "joy through the midst" were strengths that encouraged me and taught me child-like faith. Thank you for being my teachers through this season.

Joshua, I am so proud of you, and you capped this year off perfectly by professing your love for Jesus. I will always remember the few days before Christmas when you said to me, "You know what, Mommy? I love Jesus! And you know what else? Jesus is in my heart!".

Words cannot express how I felt after hearing those words. So, my tears did. Happy, joyous, grateful, Hallelujah tears!!

I pray that you will come to know the true meaning of your words, Joshua. That you will know Jesus in a personal and powerful way. That indeed, you will experience Him in your life, and that He will be your very best friend.

We have so much to learn together, about our great God, who loves us and gave Himself for us. Will you be my teacher? To remind me to have a child-like faith? To always be aware that God is with me and for me?

I love you, Joshua! And I'm so glad that you know that Jesus loves you and is in your heart!